Figuring out how to write your mother’s life story is simpler than it seems — and it requires no literary talent. Your mother had a whole life before you: a childhood, dreams, a first love, hard choices. Recording all of that is one of the greatest gifts a child can give (and receive), and it starts with one gesture: listening — including about the part of her life most children never ask about.
Start by listening, not writing
Before writing, ask your mother whether she wants to tell her stories and in what format. If she agrees to be recorded, agree on the purpose, who will be able to listen and how she will review the material before anything is shared. Notes she reviews are also an option; the conversation can be short and stop whenever she likes.
The most common blind spot: the mother before motherhood
Most children know their mother almost only in her role as a mother, and rarely ask about the woman who existed before that. Who was she at twenty, before any children were born? What did she dream of becoming? Many women of our mothers’ and grandmothers’ generation, because of their social and family context, put their own plans aside to raise children — and those stories of youth, ambitions and choices are rarely recorded, because no one thinks to ask beyond the role she took on later.
The right questions
Open questions unlock more than yes-or-no questions:
- What was the house where you grew up like?
- What did you dream of becoming before you thought about having children?
- How did you meet my father?
- Was there a dream you set aside to take care of the family?
- What are you proudest of in your life?
Use our complete list of questions to ask your mother as a starting point — and see how the answers become a memory book for her.
Keep her voice
As you organize the stories, keep your mother’s way of speaking — her expressions, her humour, her accent.
Show her a short passage and ask whether she recognizes her own voice. Avoid adding thoughts or feelings she did not express. If there is translation between French and English, keep the original and check the meaning of important expressions with her. A corrected name or date should remain traceable in later versions.
From story to book
Gathered and organized by life stage, these stories become a book for your mother — not an essay, but a faithful portrait of who she is, inside and outside her role as a mother. For a broader method, see also how to write a family member’s biography.
A gift that comes back to you
By recording your mother’s story, you keep not only her life but also your own roots, and you may discover a woman you never had the chance to know fully. It is a gift that moves both sides.
Ask about the life she chooses to tell
Your mother may have put down roots in Canada, crossed borders or always lived in the same community. Ask what those experiences meant to her, without assuming she gave up dreams because of motherhood. The story can also include friendships, studies, work and current projects. Choose the language she is comfortable in and keep her words; a translation should be reviewed so it does not change the meaning of a memory.
Further reading: Library and Archives Canada — research.