Some conversations with ageing parents keep getting postponed because they seem too big. You can start with a topic they want to share, without announcing an interview about their whole life. Stories, wishes for the future and words of affection all deserve attention, but they do not need to fit into the same visit.
Ask about the story they want to tell
- What memory would you like the family to know?
- Who was important during a hard time or a big change?
- What place do you feel like describing?
- Is there something you would like to ask us too?
To expand the list, see how to interview an older relative. In Canadian families, agree on the language and allow time to recall place names and expressions from childhood.
Open the conversation with a clear invitation
Say why you want to listen and ask whether it is a good time. A photo or letter can help, but do not use other people’s stories to pressure an answer. Your parents may prefer to talk with each child separately or include someone they trust.
If you live in different provinces or territories, check local times and choose a simple format. A written account can also be a good option.
Listen to their wishes without deciding for them
Ask what makes daily life comfortable, what help they would like and which activities they want to keep doing. Do not turn preferences into decisions made without them.
If the topic involves medical care, property or formal documents, get appropriate advice in Canada and in the relevant province or territory. A family conversation does not replace that preparation.
Say what you feel and agree on recording
Thanking them for something they did or recalling a specific scene can be simpler than preparing a big speech. Leave room to hear something different from what you expected.
Before recording, explain how it will be used and ask permission. Preferences about care can stay out of the book; no one has to share a private conversation to take part in a memory project. See how to write a letter of values. Further reading: Government of Canada — ageing in the community.