Figuring out how to interview your father has less to do with having the perfect questions and more to do with creating the right moment. Most good stories do not appear when we ask, “Tell me a story.” They slip out over coffee, when he is relaxed and nobody is in a hurry.
This is a guide to having that conversation calmly — and coming away with memories worth keeping.
Start with the moment, not the questionnaire
Before any question, choose a time when he is not tired or in the middle of something else. A Sunday afternoon works better than a rushed visit in the middle of the week.
Make it clear that there are no right answers. You are not fact-checking; you are keeping his version. That difference changes everything: it removes the pressure and makes room for what really matters.
Questions that open up memories
Yes-or-no questions close the conversation. Questions about concrete scenes open it. Compare:
- Instead of “Did you have a happy childhood?” ask: “Describe the kitchen in the house where you grew up. What was on the stove?”
- Instead of “Did you like your job?” ask: “What was the first money you ever earned, and what did you do with it?”
- Instead of “What was Grandpa like?” ask: “What smell reminds you of your father?”
Notice the pattern: smells, objects, first times. These sensory anchors unlock memories that an abstract question never reaches. If he is older, see also the important conversations to have with ageing parents.
The question that comes after the answer
A follow-up question can bring out more detail: “What else do you remember about that day?” or “Were there other people there?” That does not make the first answer any less true, nor does it mean there is a hidden version to be extracted. Ask whether he wants to expand on the story and accept it when he prefers to leave it as it is.
Let silence do its work
When he finishes answering, wait. The instinct is to jump straight to the next question, but it is often in those three seconds of silence that the best part comes: “Oh, and there was this one time…” The pause is part of the interview.
Ask for consent before recording audio. Decide together whether you would rather record or take notes he can review later. Audio preserves the way he speaks, the pauses, the accent — things that vanish when everything becomes text.
What to do with the stories afterwards
The most common mistake is recording hours of audio and never listening to it again. The memories stay stuck on the phone until the day no one remembers why that file was there.
In the end, interviewing your father is not about extracting information. It is about giving him the chance to be listened to with care — and keeping that voice before it becomes something you miss.
His place in the story, without an imposed script
Ask your father where he grew up and which events he considers important before choosing a Canadian milestone as a topic. He may have lived part of his life in another country or want to talk more about work and friendships than public events. Agree on the language of the conversation and ask for consent to record. One question at a time leaves room for a full answer; silence may simply be time to think.
Further reading: Oral History Association — best practices.