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Writing about difficult times in life, at your own pace

Editorial team · Updated October 9, 2026 · 2 min read

Deciding how to write about difficult times begins with recognizing that you are in control of the story. Loss, separation, illness and other painful experiences can be part of your memories, but there is no obligation to tell everything. The book can be honest without revealing details you do not want to share.

Choose what you want to record now

Before writing, ask yourself: who is this text for, and what do I want that person to understand? You can record a brief scene, a reflection or simply note the topic to come back to later. You can also decide to leave it out.

If a memory involves immigration, discrimination or a change of community in Canada, there is no need to turn it into a story of triumph. The meaning you give the experience can include doubts and feelings that are still shifting.

Start with concrete limits

  • Decide who will be able to read the first version.
  • Choose a time when you can stop without pressure.
  • Avoid publishing while you are still deciding what you want to say.
  • If you wish, remove names and details about other people.
  • Keep passages you would rather keep private separate.

Do not treat a fixed length of time as a wellness recipe. If writing increases your distress, stop; you can seek support from an appropriate professional before continuing.

Keep your voice and your doubts

Say what you remember and distinguish between memory, interpretation and confirmed information. Do not fill in gaps to make the story more dramatic or tidier. If dictating feels more comfortable, see how to dictate your memoir instead of writing it.

In multilingual families, some words carry a weight that translation does not. Keep the original and review any translation before including it in the shared text.

Review before sharing

Anyone helping with editing should respect the limits you agreed on. Read the final version with enough time to remove or change passages. The Oral History Association’s guidance for participants is a reference on agreements and review in interviews.

To organize the whole without rushing delicate topics, see how to divide your life into chapters. The next chapter can be a lighter memory; you do not need to resolve a whole life in one session.

Keep exploring

How long does it take to write a memoir? Planning without promisesThe timeline depends on who is telling the stories, the material and the review. Plan small steps and leave room for pauses and family decisions.5 mistakes when writing your memoir — and what to do insteadThe same five mistakes stop almost everyone who tries to write their own life — and they all come from the same illusion about how memory works.Audio and text memories on the web: one story at a timeAudio and text are both ways of telling. A clear question, organized parts and a review help turn a recording into a story others can follow.